A nervous Christian’s guide to praying for others
Back to Basics: The Vineyard 5-step prayer model
“Circle leaders, if you can come up to the front and help, that would be great.”
I am a circle leader and I can indeed walk up to the front, where a small group of people have gathered after the message to receive prayer. Yet, like many, many Sundays that came before, the stab of anxiety beats the guilt of hanging back.
I have a well-polished set of excuses to justify the hesitation. Someone else will eventually pray for them, I reason, one of the ‘spiritual people’ who are well-spoken and confident and have memorised scripture at hand or, at the very least, won’t be awkward.
The only thing worse than receiving no prayer, I felt, was receiving ‘average’ prayer, as if eloquence and effectiveness were innately connected.
Growing up Christian, I can’t count how many sermons, podcasts, books or conversations I’ve encountered extolling the importance of prayer. Yet for all the definitions, justifications and explanations, I was never comfortable praying with others or for them. Why? For a few reasons but largely because during my 27 years in the church, no one had taught me how.
I had often been told prayer was “just a conversation with God”, which was helpful when it was just God and me. Add someone with a prayer request into the mix (especially a stranger) and the lack of structure left me uncertain of where to begin and what to say.
Then, one Monday evening, everything changed. No, God didn’t reveal a secret framework or transform me into a prayer warrior. Instead, Central Vineyard gathered its Circle Leaders to address a popular question: How do we pray for others well? This, my friends, is what I learnt.
Everyone gets to play.
Vineyard founder John Wimber summed up one of the movement’s most important ‘distinctives’ in a simple phrase: “Everyone gets to play.”
To Wimber, the church isn’t made up of spiritual superstars and ordinary Christians. Rather, every man, woman, and child willing to be used by God can learn to hear His voice. And as we learn to hear God’s voice, we can be led by the Spirit to minister to others through prayer.
It’s from this inclusive, God-centred approach that the Vineyard’s 5-Step Prayer Model was born; a relational, interactive way of praying for others as we listen to the Holy Spirit.
It’s about God, not you
The model is not just relational between the people praying but between you (the prayer) and God.
During prayer, we must lean on our intimate relationship with God and welcome Him to give us insights via our heart or mind that could impact the person receiving prayer.
As John Wimber says: “The issue is dependence on the Spirit. If there’s any pattern, it is simply this – depend on Him. Keep checking back with Him. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t try to recapitulate yesterday’s experience.”
“The issue is dependence on the Spirit. If there’s any pattern, it is simply this – depend on Him. Keep checking back with Him. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t try to recapitulate yesterday’s experience.”
This also has the secondary benefit of taking the pressure way off because it’s not about you. I don’t have to conjure up some incredible prophesy or emotional response; I simply have to depend on God and be present to whatever he may say.
Approaching someone for prayer
There are many ways we can end up praying with someone. They could directly ask, share something you feel called to pray over or indicate they want prayer by walking to the front of a church service or raising their hand.
There are no hard rules regarding who to pray for (and God can often nudge us towards a certain person or moment) but there are three helpful guidelines to ensure people feel respected and safe.
Just like with life advice, ask before offering someone prayer, even if you know them well.
If someone is a member of the opposite sex, it’s good practice to invite someone of their gender, or a friend or spouse to pray with you.
Always ask before laying hands on anyone. We all have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical touch so err on the safe side and always check beforehand.
Step 1: Ask & listen
Prayer begins with a simple question: “How can I pray for you?” followed by listening and, if necessary, a follow-up question.
Prayer isn’t a counselling session and God doesn’t demand nitty-gritty details but occasionally asking a clarifying question can do two things; give the person permission to take up more space and be fully heard and ensure we do’t wrongly interpret their request.
For example, someone once asked for prayer “for work”. This could mean a million different things and I could’ve easily started praying for strength to endure tough times or an abundance of opportunities. Fortunately, I asked what they needed prayer into at work and they revealed they were unhappy with their job and uncertain whether to quit. With this insight, I could show compassion by listening and understanding their desire was for discernment and wisdom.
Of course, other times, people have simply said “I need prayer” and declined to share anything else. Luckily for us, this is perfectly okay. It’s simply an opportunity to, as Wimber says, ‘depend on Him’ and move to step two.
Step Two: Invite the Holy Spirit
As someone who loathes awkward silences, step two remains challenging for me. Unfortunately, one can’t really hear the Holy Spirit if they’re focused on speaking.
After listening to the person, we then invite the Holy Spirit in. This may look like saying “Come, Holy Spirit,” waiting silently or speaking quietly in tongues (1 Cor. 14:4). During this moment, we are making space for the Holy Spirit and the words, images or insights it may want to give us.
Like me, you may think: “I’m just not the kind of person who receives pictures/words/insights”. Yet the truth is, that ‘kind of person’ isn’t special or chosen, they simply are willing to regularly place themself in the silence and trust God.
If you do receive a word, picture or impression, always offer it with a humble open-handedness. “This may be from God” or “take this or leave this” are great phases to wrap around what you share.
If you don’t hear anything, don’t feel the need to force something or fabricate an insight. Simply move on to prayer and keep an open heart that the Lord may speak to you another way or another day.
3. Pray
Then, we pray for them, which can take two forms, according to Wimber.
Prayers directed toward God.
One way we can pray is by joining with Christ to intercede for the person and their need. As it says in 1 John 5:14: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
Words received from God
Sometimes God wants to speak something through us to the person. If you get an impression from the Holy Spirit for this person take a moment to discern what to voice. 1 Corinthians 14:3 helps us here; “But the one who prophesies speaks to people for their strengthening (edification), encouraging and comfort.”
Step Four: Check what God is doing
When praying, we try to stay sensitive to what God is doing, spiritually and physically. Some people keep their eyes open so they can observe how the Spirit is moving through the person they are praying with. Yes, this can look like the more dramatic expressions such as trembling, weeping or falling over but it can also look like unexpected laughter or subtle stillness.
Not every great prayer session looks like someone weeping or shaking; sometimes the most monumental shifts can occur in the most understated ways, or days if not weeks later.
Now, arguably one of the most important parts: Let the person know when you are done! It seems obvious, but I’ve spent many minutes squinting at the person beside me, uncertain whether this pause is another ‘waiting to hear from the Spirit’ moment, or a sign they’re done. So, wrap the prayer up with a clear, solid ‘Amen’.
5. Follow up
Irrespective of whether God shows up during our moment of prayer, something beautiful happens; we get to know people.
The model includes a fifth step because the end of the prayer isn’t the end of its relational thread. When we’re given the chance to pray for someone’s job dilemma, knee surgery, ill parent or relationship, we’re gifted a chance to keep supporting them.
This could look like continuing to pray and petition during our personal prayer time. It may involve checking in on them at church a few weeks later or praying with them again, sending an encouraging message or offering practical support.
It should never involve sharing what they told you with others, especially if they disclosed personal or confidential information. If they appear to be really struggling, it’s even more reason to check in with them and possibly offer to connect them to Central Vineyard’s pastoral support.
Final thoughts
Make no mistake, as helpful as this model has been, I remain an ‘ordinary Christian’. Some weeks nerves get the best of me and I still feel the pressure to perform prayer like I’m being scored. The silences feel uncomfortable and many times I’m not struck with an image or wisdom.
Yet, there is one thing I can say for certain, every time you step out (literally and figuratively), it gets a little easier and you realise that, with an extraordinary God, being an ordinary Christian is more than enough.
5 Step Prayer Model
Ask and listen: How can I pray for you?
Invite: Come, Holy Spirit
Pray: What kind of prayer is needed?
Check: What is God doing?
Plan: Let's pray again sometime